Loretta Schoen – Under HIS Wings

Discover the Other Side of Medical Adversity from Being Pressed to Feeling Blessed

The State of My Heart

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With President Trump having delivered his first state of the union address, and the first week in February being Women’s Heart Week, I began to ponder –

How is the state of my heart?

The medical state of my heart immediately came to mind.  There is left ventricle enlargement, “trace” fluid around the heart, mild insufficiency of ALL my vales (yikes!) and some calcification or thickening of the aortic valve.  Which basically means its old and explains why there is a lot of huffing and puffing when I do cardio exercise.  The plus side, my heart’s main pumping chamber is working great.  See, there are blessings.  While I am doing everything I can to keep my physical heart as healthy as I can; it is the emotional heart that can sometimes seem to be in an unhealthy state.

So the question is: How is the state of my emotional heart?

I must confess that while I am mostly a positive person, I can be critical and judgmental, with the excuse of trying to “fix” things or make them better.  There are times I find myself a little jealous of others my age who appear to have a body free from issues, discomfort, scars and wrinkles.  “Really, Lord, I’m not old enough to have a body filled with aches and pains and body parts and skin that is sliding down hill like molten lava”.  Those feelings can turn to greed giving way to feelings of “I’m owed, I deserve, I want…”  Contrary to what society dictates the one with the most toys doesn’t win.  The one with the biggest heart does.  Then there is hurt and anger at what people have done or said as well as my impatience of whatever I deem too slow or not good enough.  All these feelings create a guilt that can be so destructive that my heart beats out of sync with the Lords, cycling through judgment, jealousy, greed, hurt and anger making the physical heart diseased as well.  No, I fear my emotional heart is not in good shape.

Is there a cure for the state of my heart?  Is there a cure for everyone’s ailing emotional hearts?  While God suffers at the condition of our physical heart, it is the heart that reaches out to others, to help, to hold, and to share Jesus’s ministry that God wants healthy.

With each day anew and God’s grace, I kneel down before Him and confess my sins of the heart, taking my request to God and asking what His desires are for me.  And I will continue to ask until peace replaces the sickness of jealousy and judgement.  When greed threatens to overtake my heart, I will give generously to those that are in need.  When I am consumed with hurt and anger I will remember Ephesians 4, ridding myself of bitterness, rage and anger, and filling my heart with forgiveness as God forgives me.

What is the state of your heart?  Do you suffer from some of these ailments and if so, may I pray for you and would you, in kind, pray for me?  Whether its guilt, greed, judgmental thinking, jealousy or anger let us ask God for purification and for the ability to replace our bad heart habits with new ones that emulate His son, Jesus.

Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me. Psalm 51:110

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