I was on the phone with my nine month pregnant daughter who says to me “I have had enough. Baby Ryker needs to vacate the premises, his lease is up and I hurt from him trying to re-arrange the interior of my body.”
Having suffered with ligament pain and the intermittent contractions that don’t escalate to labor; she is tired of waiting. She wants to know what this little boy looks like. She wants to count his fingers and toes, and see for herself that he is healthy. Most importantly, she wishes to hold him in her arms instead of carrying him in her womb.
Have you been there? No (Lord have mercy!), not the nine month pregnant feeling, but the tired of waiting, wondering and wildly imagining the “what if’s”.
- Waiting for an infection within you to clear so that you can get the chemotherapy you desperately need to poison the cancer cells that threaten to take your life.
- Waiting to see if the chemotherapy will kill the cancer cells that have spread from the breast and infiltrated your bones.
- Waiting for the cancer cells to adapt to the chemotherapy and begin to grow again as assuredly they will. Hoping the next chemotherapy will hold them at bay.
Waiting, wondering, and imagining what could, would, should, might and might not happen.
I am not very good at waiting. Waiting requires patience and patience is something the Lord has been trying to teach me by giving me many an opportunity to learn. Isaiah 40:31 promises that those “who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint”.
But how do we wait?
Perhaps by trying to go at Godspeed and not our speed; realizing that in those waiting times He is at work in our lives. During the times of adversity is when there is a realization that takes us from our own self-reliance to a place of greater faith and hope in Him. As faith grows, so shall patience and hope for the future. Romans 8:25 tells us to “hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience”. During those times of adversity it is hard to see the good in life. But in some ways, adversity brings clarity and appreciation of the beauty that still exists. And that leads to prayer. Prayer allows us to acknowledge our Father, the great I AM, who loves and is patient with us. There is no problem too big for Him and it is in Him that solace is found. We pray prayers of forgiveness for too little faith, and pride that falsely justifies the need to control something which we have no control over. Prayers of thanksgiving for the good in life and supplication for His mercy and strength in those things that frighten, hurt, or threaten our life. There is comfort in knowing that He hears our prayers even as when they are impossible to put into words.
While waiting is difficult and feels like a waste of time or an intrusion into our lives, it is also an opportunity to welcome God into every moment, joyful or painful.
So we wait, wonder, and imagine what could, would, might and might not happen. What will this little baby look like, be like? And what do I say to my beautiful, tired, 9 month pregnant daughter as she awaits the birth of her second son.
“Honey, Baby Ryker’s lease is almost up, so place your faith in God, give Him the thanks for this child, keep the faith and let your heart be infused not with frustration but with faith and the spirit of the Lord.”